Undefinedwritersblock's Blog

New Apartment.

undefinedwritersblock — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:48:33 +0000

Stefan and I finally got moved into our apartment. It’s a nice little crappy apartment. And I say that with the utmost love for it. It used to be a fairy large house with two floors, but the house has been sectioned off into 3 apartments. We’re almost completely moved in except the rest of our bed is in storage and we don’t have a dresser, microwave, toaster and stuff like that. We have a dryer, but the plug that’s on it doesn’t fit into any of the plugs here. And we also need a washer. So for right now, we’re using hsi moms washer and dryer. Well, we would be if Stefan and his mom hadn’t gotten into a fight on mothers day.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I think this move will really help our relationship. We’re not up each others noses anymore, so that’s really good. For being only 1/2 of a house, it’s fairly huge. Our living room is our bedroom right now because we can’t afford curtains for the actual bedroom right now. One room with seven windows… It’s rather annoying. I think that the best part is that my manager from the theater is moving in next door, and she’s freakin’ awesome.

That and our rent is only 195 a month. Pretty shibby if I do say so myself.

That’s all for now.

K.A. Druyor

Blogging

undefinedwritersblock — Sat, 02 May 2009 04:39:16 +0000

The past couple months have been terrible. I feel like I’m living in a fucking nightmare. Nothing I do seems to count for much, and I can’t get ahead to make things better. I just want a bundle of money to fall from the sky and land at my feet with a note attached saying ‘Free to a good Home!’ or ‘Congratulations! You didn’t get hit on the head by a falling suit case- Here’s your reward.”

I was listening to a song that I know word for word, can even hum the tune when bored. But I’d never actually LISTENED to the lyrics; until today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIukr8dADDM

Watch it, and listen to the lyrics. It’s an amazing song that touches my heart in a way that not a lot of songs do from the 90′s do. I want someone to come along into my live and tell me they’re going to buy me a new life. I want the house on the hill, with a garden. I’m tired of having a well fare Christmas, if any Christmas at all.

I’m tired of working for nothing. I’m tired of saying the same things over and over and over and over again. I’m tired of EVERYONE complaining how bad their lives are, and think they have it worse off. I’m tired of worrying about having a roof over my head. I’m tired of not having my OWN transportation. I’m tired of hand-outs. I’m tired of wondering when we’ll have food in the fridge. I’m tired of thinking that I’ll never amount to anything. I’m tired of the bitching. I’m tired of not having a day off, and nothing to show for it (Said it twice, I know). I’m just tired. I’m tired of everything.

Not only am I physically tired; but emotionally too. If I didn’t keep all of my emotions bottled up inside like a mason jar, I’d explode into a million tiny fragments.

But even over all of that, I’m tired of not being able to help those that I love. Those that have been working harder than me for a lot more years, with nothing to show. All they have is a lifetime of stories that amuse for a while, but they still worry and ache over the same things I do at the age of 20.

I wish I’d been able to have a childhood. I wish my real father had been there for me growing up. I wish a lot of things… But wishing doesn’t get me anywhere. Just a headach, and a little fire in the back of my head that hollers ‘You’ll never be good enough’.

I feel like school is out of the question for me. I can’t sit down and even fill out the fucking application because they’re asking a bunch of questions that make no sense. Why do they care when my parents divorced? Why do they care how much money my mom made last year? I’ve been living on my own since I was 16. No, I wasn’t emancipated, but I had my own apartment, my own job, my own money, and I was still in High School.

I’ve been homeless, I’ve felt great loss. I know what those are like, and I NEVER want to worry that my children will have to go thought the same thing.

Somebody sing me a song.

A song of glory.

Somebody hum me a tune.

A tune of happiness.

Somebody tell me a Tale.

A tale of greatness.

Somebody write me a poem.

A poem of Love.

When that somebody comes along to do all these things, I’ll know Im where I want to be. All will be good and I can live life in my own lane. Not the fast lane or the Slow lane, My OWN lane. no arrows pointing me in the ‘right’ directions. No crossing pedestrians. No speed limit, stop signs, or red lights. Just one little voice whispering in my ear.

A sweet, calm, beautiful voice that makes me feel like I’m home. A voice that only ever has one thing to say:

Go.

Hmm.

undefinedwritersblock — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:07:19 +0000

Okay. So the new word for ‘Journal’ is ‘Blog’. I guess if people think it’s something new, it’s okay. I mean seriously, theres ‘deadjournal’ for the goth kids. Livejournal for the anime/harry potter/Twilight people, Myspace for the teen scene kids, and now this. Whatever.

I’ve been stuck for a while on my ‘Bliss’ books. I can’t seem to get two parts dated up exactly, and I can’t figure out how to gt everything meshed up together. It’s just pissing me off I suppose.

The writing funk I’ve been in is nothing compared to how it feels working at a Movie Theater.

It’s an okay job and anything, but I’m NOT a 16 year old girl who only has a fucking cell phone bill to pay, so it’s ridiculous to me to be working there. There’s no room for growth there.

Unlike working at Ross. I’m working the cash office, so there’s a lot of room to be moved up.

But I wish I could just get this fucking book finished, it’d be a huge load off my plate.

TNBT was easy, I literally sat down and wrote it in under a month. But ‘Bliss’ is just NOT coming along for me at all.

I don’t know what to write right now, I have so many other things to be doing right now.

-K.A Druyor